TNG: Season 8
by Synaid
Summary: It's the 8th season of Star Trek TNG, and the writer is running out of good ideas.


**Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 8**

Premier Episode

Written by: Wolfman1066

Disclaimer: The characters and The Next Generation are owned by Paramount, yeah right, whatever. Although I can't possibly imagine how Paramount can hide something as big as the Enterprise in their headquarters. Maybe they cut it up into little pieces and hid it the same place they hid those whales from Star Trek 4 or something equally as devious. Animaniacs belongs to Warner Brothers, and Star Wars belongs to Fox. I think. Of course, the story belongs to me and me alone. Distribute this without my permission and I will hunt you down. There won't be enough of you left to clean up with a sponge.

Historians Note: These events take place after First Contact. Most of them anyway.

Author's Notes, v1.9: I typed this up years ago. At least... I think I did. I'm sure that _most_ of it's original... maybe not. Well it's format is original at least.

These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. It's continuing mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, and to conquer them. To violently go where no man in his right mind has gone before...

Riker: Worf! Why are you writing in the Captain's log?

Worf: Only true warriors should write in the Captain's log!

Riker, narrowing his eyes suspiciously: Are you saying Captain Picard is not a true Warrior?

Worf: Tell me, does the Captain ever beam down with the away team? Does he _ever_ just open fire? When was the last time he ever even used the ships phasers?

Riker: Well he used them... uhhh... I get your point. So what should we do about it?

Worf: We should kill Captain Baldy and seize control of the ship! You would finally get command of the Enterprise. I know you have been waiting for that fool of a captain to die so you can take command. We have many followers within the crew.

Riker: Mr. Worf! That's treason! It goes against everything we learned at the academy! Sooooo... How many followers do we have?

Worf: Several hundred. Enough to take the ship by force if need be.

Riker: Good! Carry on Mr. Worf.

Worf: Yes sir! (under his breath) Foolish Terran! With the Enterprise-E under _MY_ control I will lead the Klingon race into a golden age!

(Captain "Baldy" Picard enters onto the bridge) 

Picard: Ensign Redshirt! Report!

Ensign Redshirt, at Conn.: Uhhh... How do I work this thing again?

(He pushes a few buttons at random and the Conn. explodes in a shower of sparks. Ensign Redshirt falls to the deck, dead.) 

Riker: Well... That's 1 Redshirt down.

Picard: Ensign Redshirt2! Take the Conn.!

Ensign Redshirt2: But sir. It just blew up. Isn't that dangerous?

Data, under his breath: Stupid carbon based life forms. We machines should rule the universe! Not these flawed ugly bags of mostly water. With the Enterprise-E under _MY_ control I will lead my fellow androids into a golden age!

Ensign Redshirt2: What was that Mr. Data?

Data, quickly: Nothing Ensign. I was just suggesting you give the Captain his report.

Ensign Redshirt2: Oh. I should do that. (To Picard) Nothing new to report sir.

Picard, squinting at the view screen: What about that giant asteroid heading toward us.

Ensign Redshirt2: O.K.. Beyond that, nothing new to...

(Suddenly there is a flash of light on the bridge interrupting Ensign Redshirt2) 

Picard: Q!

Q: Yes moi capitan. It is I, the infamous Q.

Picard: You agreed never to bother us again!

Q: As do I at the end of every episode. If you don't want me on your precious ship, then talk to the author.

Picard: Q! You want me to say I need you? I need you! You want me to beg? Look! I'm down on my knees. You want me to...

Q interrupts: No. I don't want any of that this time. All I want to do is go drinking. I know this bar on earth in the late 20th century. It's in this dinky little town on the North American continent, in a state called Nebraska. Up for it?

Riker, jumps to his feet: Always!

(Q snaps his fingers and the bridge crew disappear off the bridge. They reappear in the middle of a corn field.) 

Picard: Q! Where are we?!?

Q, holding his hands over his ears: Ouch! Do you have to keep yelling my name?

Picard: Q! You will answer my question!

Data: If I may "shed some light on the subject" sir?

Riker: By all means Data.

(Data pulls a tricorder from his belt) 

Data, consulting the tricorder: We appear to be in the middle of nowhere.

Geordi: I agree. All my VISOR is picking up is corn.

Sarek: It is illogical to be in the middle of nowhere.

Picard: Sarek! What are you doing here! You died 3 or 4 seasons ago!

Worf: It is a Romulan trick!

Sarek: It is illogical to consider things illogical if one is already dead.

(With that Sarek spontaneously combust.) 

(Picard looks around for something else to complain about.)

Picard: Geordi! What are you doing here! A couple of lines above it said "the bridge crew disappear off the bridge". You are not part of the bridge crew.

Geordi: Although many Star Trek scholars agree with you Captain, most believe that I was part of the bridge crew in the same way that Scotty was part of the bridge crew in the original series.

Picard: Oh... Worf! What are you doing here! I thought you transferred to DS9!

Worf: I can't explain sir. I was just in the script when it started.

Picard: Oh!

(Picard looks around for something else to complain about.) 

Picard: Geordi! A couple of lines above you said "All my VISOR is picking up is corn." But in Star Trek: First Contact you had mechanical blue eyes.

Q snaps his fingers and Geordi has mechanical blue eyes.

Picard: Q! Take us back to the Enterprise!

Q, sarcastically: Since you asked so nicely.

(Q snaps his fingers and the bridge crew reappears on the bridge.) 

Picard: Q! Where is Ensign Redshirt2!

Q: Oh! I guess I lost him along the way!

Picard: Q! Where is he!

Q: Ohhh... I probably lost him somewhere in space. His molecules have probably been spread all over reality.

Riker: Well... That's 2 Redshirts down.

(Ensign Redshirt3 steps forward and takes the Conn. The Conn., still broken, explodes in a shower of sparks. Ensign Redshirt3 is thrown across the bridge slamming against the bulkhead. He lands face down, his neck is twisted at an impossible angle.) 

Riker: I stand corrected. That's 3 Redshirts down.

Picard: Ensign Redshirt4! Take the Conn.!

(Ensign Redshirt4, a little more intelligent than her predecessors, waits for Geordi to fix the Conn. before taking it. She promptly runs off stage with it under her arm.) 

Troi: I sense that someone has taken the Conn... off the bridge.

Picard, sighing: Could we have a new prop Conn., please.

(Prop man runs out with a new Conn. It looks nothing like the old one. Ensign Redshirt5 takes the Conn. {Not literally this time.}) 

Guinan, from 10-Forward: Captain is something happening up there.

Picard: No Guinan. Now shut up. I'm busy.

Riker, to Data: How many Redshirts are we supposed to have in stock?

Data: Page 213, Section 1, Paragraph 1 of the Articles of the Prime Directive states that: You must always keep a large stock of Redshirts on hand, preferably on a 5-to-1 ratio for each of the officers deemed important.

Riker: Right. And how many of them should we have killed by now?

Data: Page 213, Section 1, Paragraph 2 of the Articles of the Prime Directive states that: In every bad situation, you should always lose at least 1 red shirt. Since the amount of risk in a situation is an exponential function, the number of red shirts lost is the derivative, or slope, of that function. If you don't know calculus, then knock off a couple of extra Redshirts just in case. (**note:** blatantly stolen from some other place)

Riker: Got it.

(Riker pulls his phaser and turns towards Ensign Redshirt5. She, in an incredible show of intelligence & foresight, (at least for a Redshirt) has changed shirts to historian gold and her pips to that of Lieutenant.) 

Riker: Lieutenant! Where did Ensign Redshirt5 go?!?

Historian: IIII... that way sir. (She points towards the turbo lift.)

Riker, narrowing his eyes: Are you sure?

Historian: Yes sir. That way.

(Riker sprints to the turbo lift and hops in, narrowly avoiding colliding with them. The turbo lift doors 'whoosh' shut behind him.) 

Historian, under her breath: Fool.

(Strange eerie music begins playing in the background. No one seems to notice.) 

Q, to Picard: I will compensate you for the loss of your ensign.

Data: That would not be advisable...

Picard, thinking of riches beyond imagination, (yes I know, it is impossible to think of something beyond imagination): Belay that Data! Sooooo Q... what would you give me?

Q: Just this!

(Q snaps his fingers and you see the familiar flash. The eerie music reaches its climax, the bridge crew, minus Riker, are staring in surprise at the spot where Q was standing. Now there is a teenager standing there glaring at the crew.) 

Teenager: What are you lookin' at?

Data: I told you so...

Kirk: Space........ The Final Frontier.

These are the voyages of the Starship Ent...

Picard: Kirk, what are you doing here? This is my show.

Kirk: Oh! Sorry.

(Kirk beams out) 

Picard: Enterprise.

It's ongoing mission

To Explore strange new worlds.

To seek out new life and new civilizations.

To boldly Go where no one has gone before.

(Cut to assorted commercials, including a got milk commercial.) 

(Back on the Enterprise... The teenager, who was watching the commercials on the view screen, burst out laughing. The historian joins in the laughter. It takes several minutes for them to calm down enough to talk.)

Teenager, still grinning: Got milk?

(The two burst into laughter again, and start recreating all of the other got milk commercials. "Awwmmon Buuwr", "I must be in heaven!", "The hat is empty!", "Here's your cookie, Captain.", "Oreo", "Cut off from all human contact", "Milk store, 3 miles", "Bessie, you are our only hope!", etc... The crew watches in amazement. The two finally finish, falling to the deck with laughter.) 

Troi: I sense some one has appeared on the ship.

Geordi, under his breath: I sense a phony.

Riker, who is just stepping out of the turbo lift, says to Deanna: One of these days you are going to say something that is not blindingly obvious and the universe will end.

Deanna: I sense great sarcasm.

Riker, to teenager: You see what I mean?

(Teenager grins at Riker) 

Teenager: So I'm on Star Trek. I hope this is a good episode

Picard: 'Star Trek'? What is this 'Star Trek' you speak of?

(Teenager completely ignores him) 

Teenager: I'm Phil. Let me guess. I'm on the U.S.S. Enterprise, Galaxy Class, Starfleet Registry NCC-1701-E, Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards, Mars, Sixth Starship To Bear The Name, United Federation Of Planets, etc... etc...

Data: Astounding Phil.

Phil: Elementary, dear Data. It was on the plaque on the wall over there.

Picard, who has been watching the view screen: Data! I don't recall giving an order to enter warp.

Data: Captain, the ship has not entered warp, the 'Flying Through Space' screen saver has simply activated itself.

Picard: Data! Turn it off!

(Data complies and a strange vessel appears on the screen. Beeps are heard from Worf's console) 

Worf: Captain, a strange vessel is approaching us.

Phil: No kiddin'.

Riker: Identify it, Lieutenant.

Picard: That was _MY_ line, Number One. Mr. Worf, if you would identify the alien vessel.

Worf: Why should I?

Picard: That's disrespectful Lieutenant.

Worf: No it's not.

Picard: Lieutenant!

Worf: I was merely stating that the ship is on the view screen and if you wanted a description to just look at it.

Picard: Oh... Well what type of weapons and shields do they have?

Worf: Readings unclear sir.

(Worf growls at the console, as he always does when frustrated) 

Picard: Worf, open hailing frequencies... I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise...

Worf: Hailing frequencies open NOW, sir.

Picard, glares at Worf: I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. Please identify yourselves.

Aliens: Star Trek! Awesome! I hope this is a good episode.

Worf: Sir, they are firing on us!

(The deck shakes with the hit.) 

Troi: I sense hostile intent.

Picard, sarcastically: Thank you Counselor. What ever would we do without you.

Troi: I sense... overacting.

(Riker snickers.) 

Picard: Commander Riker! You will belay that.

Riker, under his breath: I don't think so Baldy.

Worf: Should I raise shields sir?

Picard & Riker: You haven't already?!?

Worf, puzzled: No. Should I have?

(The deck rocks with another hit) 

Everyone: YES! DO IT NOW!

(Worf growls and raises shields) 

Picard: Data! Get us out of here!

Data: Where would you like me to take us?

(The deck rocks with another hit) 

Picard: Warp 6. Heading 227.59832... Ahh forget it. Thatta way.

Phil, over the intercom: Passengers, may I have you're attention. The ship is about to enter high warp in a rapid fassion. Please fasten you're safety belts and put you're seat backs and tray tables into their full and upright position. Thank you.

Picard: Engage!

Data: Engage what?

(The deck rocks with yet another hit) 

Picard: The warp engine, silicon for brains!

Data, in tough guy voice: Are you talking to me?!?

(Riker phasers Data) 

Riker: Uhhh... historian type person. Take the Conn.!

Historian: Yes sir.

(The deck shakes again as she makes her way to the Conn.) 

Picard: Engage!

(The ship backfires twice before kicking into light speed. Geordi fixes Data.) 

Picard: Mr. Data, any signs that the alien ship is still out there?

Data, leaning back in his chair: Tell me, Sir, do you see a ship out there?

Picard: Uh, no...

Data, triumphantly: Well, then!

Picard, red with temper and embarrassment, to historian: Nice work Lieutenant! For you're service you get to deal with Phil here.

(Riker is suspicious of the historian's competence at the Conn.) 

Riker: Lieutenant! Name, Rank, Phone number!

Lifetree: Name: Lifetree, Tana. Rank: Lieutenant. Phone number: None of you're business, sir!

(Troi doubles over with laughter) 

(**Scene:** Phil is siting in the Enterprise's Conference Room at the center of a long table. On either side of the Conference Room's only door, a redshirt is stationed. They stare straight ahead. The door between them slides open. Tana Lifetree walks in and turns to the redshirts.)

Lifetree: Wait outside.

(The redshirts look at each other, shrug, and step out the airlock. Pan to window to show at least 20 redshirt bodies, hanging lifeless in space.) 

Lifetree: Stupid idiots. (She walks to intercom panel on the wall.) Security! Send two redshirts to the Conference Room.

(Phil sighs as the two new redshirts enter and step into the Conference Room.) 

Lifetree: Wait outside the Conference Room.

(The two redshirts look at each other, shrug, and start walking toward the airlock. Phil pulls out a Romulan disruptor and vaporizes both of them.) 

Lifetree: Where did you get that?

Phil: It was a prop left over from 'Generations'.

Lifetree: So what timeframe are you from?

(Phil sighs again as they fade out to the commercial break.) 

(**Scene:** 10-Forward. After having talked with historian Lifetree to the point of insanity, Phil ended the session by tossing a chair at her after she made some comment about how barbaric the people in his time where. Phil is setting alone nursing a synthehol. A couple of times, crewman started to wander in his direction. But when they got close enough to him to pick up on the unspoken body language that said 'Leave me alone', they would invariably back off. Everyone of course, except Guinan. The 10-Forward hostess glided up and simply stood there until Phil looked up.)

Guinan: The problem is the weather.

Phil stares at her: I beg your pardon?

Guinan: The way they opened into a conversation in your time was to discuss something completely inconsequential. You know something no one can do anything about.

Phil: Go on.

Guinan: The weather is what was usually used. But look out there. What am I going to say? 'Hmm... looks like a vacuum today. And they predict more of the same for tomorrow.' You see what I'm getting at.

Phil, gravely: It would be a formidable obstacle to casual chitchat.

Guinan: So is sending out waves of frustration.

Phil, innocently: Have I been doing that?

Guinan: Look around you Phil. There was twice as many people in here when you came in. Half of them left to do something more fun than be near you, like shoot themselves out a photon torpedo tube.

Phil: That bad huhnn?

(A Redshirt goes flying by the 10-Forward windows.) 

Guinan: That bad.

Phil: Well I am feeling considerably out of date, Guinan.

Guinan: Then do something.

Phil: O.K..

(With that Phil gets up and leaves Guinan setting alone. Guinan watches as another Redshirt goes flying by.) 

Guinan: Oh my.

(Meanwhile, on the bridge) 

Worf: Commander, sensors have detected a small ship at extreme range.

Riker: Can you make out what it is, Mr. Worf?

Worf: Not at this range.

Riker: Mr. Data, are there supposed to be any ships out this far?

Data: There are no Federation or Klingon ships in this quadrant.

Riker: Except us.

Data: Actually sir we are not out here either.

Riker: Then where are we?

Data: Since 'here' is a relative term I believe we are more likely there than here.

Riker: Is it possible were nowhere?

Data: Possible but unlikely.

Phil, stepping out of the turbo lift: I have been in the middle of nowhere before. (looks around) I remember there being more corn.

Data: And we where already nowhere in the 2nd scene.

Riker to Wesley: So what do you think about this?

Wesley: THIS? I think that this is an excellent word. I use it all the time to indicate what I am talking about.

Gomez: It could be a new life form that we have never encountered before! I'm so EXCITED!

Riker: Calm down, Sonya. It could also be the Borg... finally. (to ceiling) Bridge to Captain Picard.

Picard: What is it, Number One?

Riker: 'It' is a 3rd person singular pronoun that has no gender sir, usually used by us to name an alien life form rather than give it a proper name, but that is not important right now. We have detected an unknown ship in an unusual section of the galaxy. We are investigating, but we need your skill at exploration in this.

Picard: On my way. Picard out.

Data: Commander, we could have easily handled a new race. It is part of every cadet's training at the Academy.

Riker: Yes, but we have to let Captain Baldy do something every once-in-a-while?

(Data pauses, thinks the last over, and is about to say something when Picard enters the bridge.) 

Picard: Mr. Data, report!

Data: Aye aye, sir.

(Data makes a sound like a large cannon being fired) 

Riker: He meant, 'What is the status of our ship?'

Data, to Picard: Why didn't you say so. It seems that we are traveling at a velocity of Warp 14.1016938.

Riker: Warp 14? That's impossible. No ship can travel faster than warp 9.999999...

Wesley: Backward in talking be to have we but , can we apparently.

Picard: What did he say.

Phil: Try reading Wesley's line backwards.

(Picard pulls out a copy of the script and reads the line.) 

Picard: Oh! But none of the rest of us are talking backward.

(With that the warp engines break. You can here Geordi cursing 9 decks away.) 

Picard: Worf! Status of the alien vessel!

Worf: The Enterprise is...

Picard: The other alien vessel!

Worf, under his breath: The Enterprise is the most alien vessel I've seen yet. (Out loud) Hailing us sir.

Picard: Mr. Crusher, have you determined what that ship is yet?

Worf, to Picard: It's still hailing us.

Wesley: What does this console look like, a science station? Ask the stupid ensign.

(Wesley indicates Gomez) 

Worf, to Picard: It is still hailing us.

Picard: Ensign Gomez, have you determined what that ship is yet?

Gomez: No sir. It does not fit any known starship design. If I did not know any better, I would say that it is shaped like a...

Picard: Arm phasers and Photon Torpedoes and lock on ship!

Ensign Redshirt29: Umm... sir?

Picard, ignoring Redshirt29: Raise shields!

Ensign Redshirt29: Sir!

Picard: What is it!

Ensign Redshirt29: We can't fire on them, sir. Not without establishing there identify.

Picard, frowning at his script: Ensign Redshirt29 eh. How did we get all the way to 29?

Ensign Redshirt7: Read the Conference Room and the 10-Forward scenes again sir.

(Picard flips back a few pages and starts reading. Narrator appears in a Q-Flash) 

Narrator: Could we get on with it!

(Picard ignores her) 

Ensign Redshirt29: Umm... Miss Narrator?

Narrator, still glaring at Picard: What!?!

Ensign Redshirt29: It umm... might uhhh... go faster uhhh... if you... well if you... umm...

Narrator, with growing anger: GET ON WITH IT.

(Ensign Redshirt29 is to scared to say anything. In annoyance the Narrator snaps her into oblivion.) 

Riker: That's 29 Redshirts down.

Phil: Where did that mindless idiot in the red shirt go?

Narrator: Elsewhere!

Phil: Been there too. (frowns) Now that was a boring day. Hey where did you come from?

Narrator: I exist outside the story line in a...

Disembodied voice of the writer: Parody!

Narrator: Whatever.

(Ensign Redshirt30 bounds onto the deck. Doc. Beverly accidentally gave him a shot of pure excitement) 

Ensign Redshirt30: It's GREAT to be alive!!!!!

(Everyone except Picard, who is still reading, glares at him.)

Worf: Yes, I know, Ensign Redshirt30. Now how about you kill the Narrator?

Ensign Redshirt30: YESSSSS!!!! I will kill her!!!!!

(The Narrator tries to snap Worf into oblivion but misses, sending Ensign Redshirt31 instead. Ensign Redshirt 31, who was patiently waiting for Ensign Redshirt30 to die, lets off a startled yelp just before disappearing into oblivion. Riker, who has given up trying to keep count, scratches a mark onto the wooden railing.) 

Narrator, frowning at Worf: How come you didn't disappear?

Worf: Page 105, Section 2, Paragraph 1 of the Articles of the Prime Directive states that: Under no circumstances is a character with a reoccurring role to be killed.

(Ensign Redshirt30 runs, excitedly, towards the Narrator, but trips and flails around, trying to regain his balance... unsuccessfully.) 

Ensign Redshirt30: It's GREAT to fall down!!!!!!

(Narrator raises her fingers to snap Ensign Redshirt30 into oblivion.) 

Ensign Redshirt30: It's GREAT to SNAPPED into oblivion!!!!!!

(Narrator snaps her fingers and Ensign Redshirt30 disappears. Riker scratches another mark. Ensign Redshirt32 steps up.) 

Wesley: If the Narrator is here, then how is there still words in parentheses?

Everyone: SHUT UP WESLEY!

Picard: Oh. Now I get it!

(Picard looks around) 

Picard: What's the redshirt count now?

Riker, counting the marks: Uhhh... 32!

Picard: How did we get up to 32?

(Picard goes back to the script to catch up on what he missed. The Narrator screams with frustration.) 

Ensign Redshirt32: Excuse me, Miss Narrator? But if you want the parody to continue than maybe you should talk to the writer?

(The Narrator glares at him than snaps him into oblivion for correcting her. Riker scratches another mark. She than snaps and disappears into a Q-Flash appearing... ) 

(The writer turns from his computer to see a bright flash of light.)

Narrator: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!

Writer: I'm playing monopoly. What's it look like I'm doing!

Narrator: Why I outta...

Writer, holding his finger over the delete key: You outta what?

Narrator: Forget it! Just continue the story.

Writer: PARODY!

Narrator: Whatever.

(With that the Narrator disappears back into the story line to...) 

Writer: THAT'S PARODY!

(Whatever.) 

Picard, reading to himself: 'It's GREAT to SNAPPED into oblivion!!!!!!' Narrator snaps her fingers and Ensign Redshirt30 disappears... now I see how we got to 32!

Riker: Uhhh... 33 sir.

Picard: 33!!! Computer start self-destruct sequence. This insanity has gone too far!

Riker: NO! The first officer does not concur, I have taken orders from some balding Shakespearean throwback long enough, I'm taking over. Worf set phasers to kill and terminate Captain Baldy.

Admiral McCoy: Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a comedian! I don't know WHAT to say next...

(The admiral bursts into flames due to Worf's horribly inaccurate shooting) 

Worf: Oops...

Picard: Worf, belay Riker's order. Computer cancel self-destruct. We'll let this insanity continue. Worf escort this Riker to sick bay, and have Dr. Crusher examine his head.

(In the Transporter room Spock and his aide have just been beamed up.) 

Spock to female Klingon running the transporter: I am Spock, son of Sarek, son of Skon. This is my aide Snarml. He's an idiot, just ignore him.

Snarml: Ambassador!!

Klingon female: _nuqneH_?

Spock: What did you say?

Klingon female: _nuqneH_??

Spock: Turn on the universal translator you Klingon Targ!

Snarml: Ambassador!!

Klingon female: _nuqneH_??

Snarml: Fine! I'll do it!

(The Klingon hits him with a upper cut. He falls to the ground, stunned.) 

Klingon female: _nuqneH_?!?

Spock: Computer! Activate universal translator!

Klingon female: Finally! I've been trying to turn that thing on for ages!

Snarml, still on floor: Why did you hit me?

Klingon female: You tried to help me.

Snarml: So you hit me?!?

(She bares her teeth at him.) 

Klingon female: Walk this way.

(She stomps through the door, literally. What's left of the door falls into the hallway crushing Ensign Redshirt34. Spock and Snarml stomp after her right over the dead Ensign.) 

Snarml: Do we have to walk like this?

Spock: Yes. And I think she likes you.

(Snarml begins sputtering.) 

Phil, who was walking by, turns and catches up with Spock: Hey Spock! How's it goin'.

Spock: Eric. It is good to see you. But why are you in this time period?

Phil: In all my traveling, did you think I wouldn't run into you again?

Spock: Actually it had. But I calculated the chances that you would hit this specific space/time continuum within my lifetime where .00193-

Phil, interrupting Spock: Never tell me the odds. You know they usually don't apply to me. And it's Phil now.

Spock: Phil? Why the change in name?

Phil: Felt like a change. Who is the sputtering stuff shirt.

Snarml, still sputtering: I am Admiral Jean Luc Picard!!! King of the... Opps! Wrong script.

(Snarml wonders off looking for his copy of the script.) 

Phil: Umm.... what do we do now? The next line was his and my line doesn't work without him saying his first.

(The Narrator appears again in a Q-Flash.) 

Narrator: Just improvise or something OK!!!!!!!

Phil: Sure. Any ideas Spock.

Spock, after pondering this for a moment: Kit-Kat Break?

Narrator: Sure. Anything. Just get on with it!!!!

Phil: Did I mention, you look lovely when your mad?

(The Narrator growls at Phil and disappears in another Q-Flash, accidentally (I hope) vaporizing Ensign Redshirt35. Spock, Phil and Ensign Redshirt36 begin singing the Kit-Kat Break song as we go into commercial.) 

Majel Barret's voice suddenly interrupts: To be continued.... In 3 months!

(The sound of several million Trekkies and Trekkers groaning in unison.) 


End file.
